To Work or Not to Work? For Mothers, That is Often the Question.

I took a deep breath and blurted out the words I’d been holding back, “Thank you for this opportunity, but I am giving my notice. I am quitting.” I was almost as shocked to hear those words come out of my mouth as my boss was. We both knew I was in my dream job. We both knew how hard I had worked over the past few years to get there. But only I knew the way I’d wrestled with the tug to be more present with my toddler son.

And oh had I wrestled! By the time I put in my resignation, I’d scuffled endlessly back and forth between the two options for months. There was so much to consider before a decision could be made. Could we live on one income? Could a career-driven woman like me also thrive as a stay-at-home mom? How would the decision we made affect us five years down the road?

I know I’m not alone in this. Many mothers find themselves wondering if it’s best to work or better to stay home. Here are three important things to consider when you’re deciding whether or not to work outside of the home:

1. Keep in mind that this decision is likely seasonal, not permanent. You don’t have to decide today if you will be a stay-at-home or career mom for the rest of your mothering days. If you feel stuck because you don’t want to make the wrong decision for your family, maybe it would ease your mind to think of it as simply making a decision for a season.

Take time to consider this: What does your family need from you in this season? Is it income to pay the bills? Or maybe it’s for you to homeschool your children? What decision best supports your family this season?

For the mother who feels trapped by what this season demands, I’ve been where you are. But seasons change. And when it's time for yours to change, you’ll be at a place to make a new decision! Dreams can wait without fading away while you’re holding babies.

2. Make your decision based on your capacity, not comparison. Can we get real for a second? We don’t all have the same capacity to carry the pressures of life. For instance, I’m not a detail person. I hate planners and it gives me hives to think about living life any other way than by the seat of my pants. I try guys, I really do, but my capacity for handling all of the things is just plain low.

When I quit my dream job, there were other moms that were in the same role and they were rocking it as both a career woman and a mother. But that wasn’t the case for me. Being honest with myself about my capacity gave me the freedom to quit what others could keep doing without shame.

3. No matter what you choose, God will fill in the gaps. There will never be enough of you to go around when little ones are involved. Both working moms and stay-at-home moms have more on their plates than they could possibly handle. You won’t find solace from the chaos of parenting on either side of the career/homemaker continuum.

However, for every mom, no matter how much or little she works, God will fill in the gaps. In each and every one of my seasons, I have found that God’s grace was somehow perfectly portioned to help me meet the demands of the day. Whether at work or at home, whether leading a project or loading the dishwasher, whether meeting deadlines or meeting the teacher - it was the same God, with the same grace that got me and my family through.

So take a deep breath, precious Mama. This decision is complicated and emotionally charged but God has a path forward for your family and He will both show it to you and equip you to walk in it!

Blessings,

Shelby Turner