When You Can't Mother the Way You Want To

When a woman becomes a mother, God gives her some amazing "superpowers," as my children used to say. Suddenly she can sense what her baby needs, she can hear a cough two rooms away in the dead of night, and she can survive cluster feedings and numerous diaper explosions. Motherhood is truly an amazing gift.

But what happens when you cannot mother the way you want to?

There will be many unexpected and unwelcome circumstances that we will face in this life, yet each trial is customized by God to produce what needs to be worked out of us and worked into us. We may need to be softened, to be humbled, to be less self-sufficient, or even forced to rest when our propensity is to work without ever taking a Sabbath. Hardship is a tool that God uses to produce endurance in us and refine our character. Yet, in the seasons of varying degrees of limitations, we sometimes look at our feebleness and wonder how we can ever be useful in that state, how we could ever hope to influence and serve our family well.

How can a young mother of three be strong while undergoing chemotherapy for cancer? How can a new mom keep up with the house and family while suffering from postpartum depression? How can a seasoned mom serve her husband and children while in the hospital with a broken arm? What about those with chronic illnesses? What about those who just entered a season of extreme limitations? How can we show ourselves faithful when we are frail?

After I was in a car accident and found myself sporting a brace on my right leg and a brace on my left wrist, I had to come to terms with my weakness as a mother in a totally new light. The feebleness I felt in my body and my mind was overwhelming. I could no longer drive my children to school or make the needed grocery run. My crutches made it hard to navigate the kitchen and cook meals, and I soon found my lengthy To-Do List taken over by my husband. While I was relieved by his help, I quickly became angry that I couldn't do my job. "If I can't do this or that," I thought, "then I am a terrible mother." My limitations told me lies.

I know for me, I tend to weigh my ability to mother well by how much I do and how well I do it. If the laundry is backed up, if the pantry is sparse, or if I, for any reason, cannot keep up with the family schedule, I conclude that God is dissatisfied with me as a mother, and I am failing in my work. If you have ever been in that place, please continue reading.

The apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:7, "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves." Later, he went on to write, "Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

The treasure inside of our finite bodies is the Holy Spirit of the living God, who renews our inner man as our outward wastes away. Inside our souls, God is continually at work, completing what He began when He saved us. Whether it be from a disease, an unexpected physical setback, or from age, we will inevitably feel the weakness of our flesh, and while that may tempt us to be sorrowful, it is actually a precious gift from a very good God because it causes us to experience the promise of His inner work within us. He shows Himself strong when we are at our weakest, our most feeble, and our dependence on Christ and our love for Him grows stronger as our bodies decline.

What constitutes success in parenting is whether or not we are faithful, not whether or not we can keep up with full calendars, or even whether or not we are physically able to cook and clean. Physical limitations cannot steal spiritual disciplines. We can be prayerful mothers while lying flat on our backs with broken limbs or chronic illnesses. We can be diligent in loving our families even when we are homebound or hospitalized. We can impart wisdom to our children and imitate Christ in our attitudes and our words while our hands wrinkle up and our bones weaken. The fruit of a Spirit-filled life nourishes the souls of our children, and we can glorify God because of this. Because He is infinitely faithful to use our weaknesses in ways we cannot imagine, we can boast in our feebleness with glad assurance that every frailty we feel will produce an eternal weight of glory. Rejoice in this.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

With joy,

Kristen