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When You are Not the Lovey Dovey Type

When You are Not the Lovey Dovey Type

Are you a lovey-dovey wife? Many of us are not, but that doesn't mean we don't love our husbands or do all we can to make them feel special! If you fit that category, you'll love these ideas for how to show love and affection in your marriage and communicate in a way that makes your spouse feel adored.

Everyday I pray and ask God to use me as an instrument of His love, His grace, His mercy, and His power. My intention is simply to live open and available to whatever God would have me do each day. Some days I pray that prayer and He doesn’t give me any specific guidance or direction.

Other days He totally does.

A few weeks ago, I prayed this prayer and the Lord clearly impressed upon my heart that He wanted me to be more loving to my husband in my actions, attitudes, and words.

There’s just one problem.

I’m not the “lovey dove” type.

Now don’t get me wrong. I do love my husband, but I’m just not the type of girl who is super affectionate, overly sweet with my words, or excessively doting.

But I clearly sensed that God wanted me to be more of all of the above.

While my husband and I don’t have a perfect marriage, and honestly, I don’t know anyone who does, we also don’t have problems that have us on the edge of considering divorce.

Things have just been okay. So I wasn’t sure why all-of-the-sudden God would up the ante with what He wanted me to do in my relationship with my man.

And then I remembered.

I remembered that awhile back I’d prayed a prayer and asked God to make my marriage a marriage made in heaven.

Then I understood. God was guiding me to act like a woman whose marriage was indeed made in heaven in order to create the environment for the marriage made in heaven to blossom and grow.

Now I’m not absolving my husband of his role but the reality is I can’t control him. I can only do me. But how was I going to do my part when the “lovey-dovey-ness" that it required was not my natural “M.O.” (mode of operation).

Well, I’ve come up with a way to think about what it means to do a better job of showing my husband love and affection.

Whenever I am interacting with him, I just think to myself, “Girl, just put a little sugar on it.”

If I’m going to say something run of the mill and everyday to him, I will add the word “love” or “honey”. It might make me feel ill to say it because those words don’t feel natural but I do it anyway.

If I am sitting next to him in the movies and would be totally satisfied to be there, have a night away from the kids, and share popcorn (because doesn’t he know that me sharing my popcorn is me showing him love?), I will reach to hold his hand just because.

Once we’ve finished the popcorn of course.

If I find my husband sitting in his chair, watching his favorite program on television, I remember God’s guidance to me and stop to lean over his chair and give him a good kiss for no reason other than to say I love you.

I’m thanking him more.

Showing more appreciation.

Being kinder.

I’m finding small ways each and every day to add a little sugar in our marriage to make it a little sweeter for us both.

And you know what? I’m finding that as I do that our marriage is beginning to look more and more like the marriage made in heaven that I prayed for.

Does it make me uncomfortable?

Yes, sometimes it does.

Does it feel out of character?

Mmmmm hmmmm. Many times I feel like I’m having an out of body experience.

But I’m realizing that “putting some sugar on it”, is no different than me choosing to obey God in any other area of my life when that obedience doesn’t come naturally.

If being a little more “lovey dovey" and “putting some sugar on it” can plus my marriage, and I sense guidance from God to participate in the answer to the prayer I prayed, then so be it.

Lovey dovey it is then.


Chrystal Hurst

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