Do you need a Motherhood "Re-Do"?
As soon as I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I gave notice to my boss with the full intention to be a stay-at-home mom. But over the next six months, the lie that "I'd become obsolete" seeped into my thinking and the pressure to hang onto freelance work mounted.
Somehow, I was able to count the cost of missing out on work but not motherhood.
It wasn't until years later when that little baby turned six and I was in the midst of caring for my baby twins that I realized how much I gave up. All those hours poured into that website design, while bouncing my baby girl on my lap, vanished into cyberspace.
Even so, I still felt pulled in opposite directions — wanting to be fully present in the very important work of motherhood and yet wanting more than just motherhood.
Can you relate? I wanted to be an “all in” mom, but that didn't stop my longing for something more. At first, blogging felt like a good outlet, but it soon became a distraction and then an idol causing me to push off my kiddos with “one more minute” delays. I was like Jacob wrestling with God. I wanted His blessing on motherhood work, but I didn’t want to surrender to the most important mission that was before me.
Whether you’re a blogger, a biz mom, or a woman devoted to ministry, do you feel this pull away from your motherhood too?
I persisted, determined to find the balance between missional work and motherhood, but unwilling to admit the severity of the struggle for another six years. When my oldest daughter entered sixth grade, we made the decision to homeschool her . . . and I thought I could juggle that task with blogging and freelance work.
God showed me otherwise. By mid-September, He graciously opened my eyes to see the ways I could sow into my girl's life, but not if I kept trying to do it all. I was convicted I needed to lay everything down -- my blogging, writing, speaking, ministry, and even work -- in order to be free of distractions and wholeheartedly invested as a homeschooling mom, home-keeper, and wife. Of course, I had the freedom to lay it all down then, which I don't have now as a full-time working mom contributing to our family's financial needs.
What I learned in that season of surrender equipped me for this season of submission.
As I allowed God to move in my heart and mind to change my perspective and priorities, He did more than I could have asked or imagined (Ephesians 3:20). That 12-year-old girl just finished her freshman year of college, and she and I both agree that my obedience to God was the greatest investment I made into her life, cultivating the kind of relationship, character, and heart-tending necessary for her later years. It wasn't just for her benefit, however. The blessing has trickled down to her siblings as I strive for healthy boundaries and hear-purity when it comes to work and motherhood.
In many ways, I feel like God gave me a second chance to do motherhood without regrets.
What extravagant grace!
Ironically, that was the name of the blog I laid down years ago!
Maybe you feel like you need a motherhood "re-do" too?
The choices we've made thus far may require a heart change or life change in order to join God in His redemptive work, especially in our motherhood.
God's grace is for us. His purposes never leave us. His redemptive power is present, always.
There's no one right way to do motherhood. There's really no blueprint. But the good news is that God is with us, He will guide us and reroute us as He sees fit. All we need to do is surrender our desires while we submit to His leading in our motherhood and missional work now and always.
Because there is more,
Elisa
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