So Long Captivity, It’s Time to Live Free

As I listened to her unpack the sticky dynamics of her situation, I couldn’t help but want to lunge through the phone to solve her problem. I got it . . . I knew what she was living through. Our circumstances might be different, but the way we processed our experiences were nearly the same.

While advice-giving words were on the tip of my tongue, the Lord gently forced me back into my desk chair. He firmly reminded that my job as her life coach was to give her the space to get to the “ah ha” moment that leads to the solution, and not solve it for her.

But Lord, but . . . she can’t see it.

Yes, you’re right about that, but neither can you.

Gulp. God was right. The very advice I was so tempted to dish out, I didn’t want to take for myself. Wouldn’t you agree, it’s so much easier to solve other people’s problems and not our own. I settled back into my chair and pressed on with questions, asking the Lord to keep my bias from getting in the way:

What makes you feel less than?

What has happened to make feel afraid?

What makes you think that you’ll go back to the way you were and stay there? 

Haven’t you already walked the process of transformation . . . and couldn’t you do that again?

As the questions were rolling off my lips, I could feel the Lord pressing in on my heart, calling me out and challenging me to answer these same questions for myself after our session. Ugh. 

Getting real with God may be beneficial but it’s not necessarily an enjoyable process.

The fact was that my client and I were both walking-wounded, even after tremendous transformation and healing. We might be healthy, functioning adult women today, but there were these small bruises still sensitive to the touch in select parts of our lives. The problem was, until actually talking about the present-day hurts, were were totally unaware of how it was stirring up an unhealed part in of soul story. In reality, we were reacting to what should have been a nothing-much-of-a-situtation with all the emotional pain of a soul-deep ache from long ago.

A passing comment, an unintentional oversight, or a misunderstanding can too quickly can turn into a relationship conflict when a heart-bruise is poked at unknowingly.

Instead of responding from a place of grace and emotional wholeness, we fall into a pattern of reacting from the history of our wounding. Those labels we put upon ourselves . . . that worldly identity we think defines us . . . the fear of getting hurt again or becoming what we once were . . . causes us to be offended when we simply don’t need to be. And then, if we don’t deal with that present-day offense, it becomes fodder for the next time. 

Yes, it’s the water under the bridge that turns a trickling stream into raging rapids. 

Oh friend, does this scenario feel all to familiar to you too? Well, take heart, because I believe we don’t have to stay stuck in this unhealthy pattern and allow those closest to us to be held at arms length. God does not intend for us to live wounded and unhealed.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

God tends to our brokenness and heals us from this inside out when we allow Him access to our hearts. He longs to set us free from the captivity of our past and to embrace today with holy wholeness. But how does God go about this healing work? Well, through the abiding, living Word and the leading of the Holy Spirit through faith in Jesus Christ as Lord.

John 8:32, 36
And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free . . .
So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.

This setting-free-by-the-truth process is what I call theTrap & Transform principle in Meet the New You. It starts by “taking captive every thought and making it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5) and continues by being “transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). So let me put my coaching hat on and ask you the types of questions that can lead you through the Trap & Transform process in your own situation:

What areas of your life feel like bruises from old wounds? 

What are lies are you believing based on those experiences?

What healing Truth from the Word of God needs to be rubbed all over that tender wound?

In light of the commands and instructions found in Scripture, how does God want you to respond to the person you’re in conflict with presently? 

If the situation is not threatening your emotional and physical safety, how can you move toward those your in conflict with in filled with God’s grace and truth?

Friend, I have one last question for you:  As the holidays are approaching, are there gatherings you’re dreading because the water under the bridge with a love one threatens to take over and ruin the whole time together . . . for everyone? Now imagine entering into that time healed and whole, with ability to reconcile relationships maybe even before those gatherings. Isn’t it worth the heart-work and soul-transformation God invites you to join Him in, so that you can make the memories you’ve always hoped for? 

May the Lord meet you where you are today and set you free from captivity with His truth.

By His Grace,

Elisa Pulliam

kaleoagency.net & moretobe.com

{A point worth noting:  Counseling is the valuable process of dealing with the past to uncover what happened in order to move forward with emotional healing. While a counselor is more like an archaeologist, a coach is more like an architect, helping a client move forward on a stable healthy foundation. However, in this experience with my client, we were able to deal with both the past and present because she was so self-aware about her wounds and able to process life in light of God’s truth. Also, my client gave me permission to share this re-telling of our experience with you.}