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Letting Down My Walls With God And With My Husband


He reached for his Bible, a very used hand-me-down from his father. Tucked within the covers of his bible were a few pieces of paper decorated with his handwriting.

“Read these” he encouraged me.

They were prayers my boyfriend had been saving. Desires that were the closest to his heart. Scribbled in the corner of each prayer was a date, all of them noting years before we had ever even met. One prayer in particular stood out among the rest. His desire for a wife was clear, but He pleaded with God to help him be patient for the one who was to be his wife. After reading it, my boyfriend of a year and a half whispered gently,

“You are the answer to my prayer.”

My heart swelled with joy. It was in that moment he proposed marriage, and I excitedly said, “Yes!”

We were young and in love. Our hearts were dedicated to living out an extraordinary life of service to God and we were eager to do it as a team. Only six months later we were married and headed out on our first adventure as missionaries in a foreign land. Our passion to serve God in Africa was explosive! Despite our love and faith to follow God’s call on our life as husband and wife, we encountered a few hardships immediately following the wedding, which we were not prepared for.

We had both saved ourselves from sex until we married. We knew we would need to take some time to adjust, but I never would have imagined we could experience so much heartache in the intimacy department. Pain inflamed my body every time we initiated sexual intimacy, a challenge that lasted 4 long years. Accompanying the physical pain was the anxiety, the emotional repercussions, and the forming of habits that kept my husband and I very distant in this part of our marriage.

I felt broken, inadequate as a wife, insecure, and angry. I turned from God in my despair, frustrated that He would not miraculously heal us and fulfill our marriage completely. When I was in the trenches, when depression and fear seized me, I didn’t know where to get help. I was embarrassed, but more so I felt utterly alone in our marital struggles.

Regardless of my rebellious heart, God never let me go. He pursued me and challenged me to allow our situation to transform my heart for the better.

As I responded to God’s love and turned back towards Him, He revealed the importance of being “unveiled” as a Christian woman and as a wife. Being unveiled is to let the walls down that keep intimacy with others unattainable. Being unveiled is about being transparent with our struggles, so that we may be transformed.

But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit,and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. - 2 Corinthians 3:16-18

This message became a vital piece of the healing that took place in my heart and in my marriage. When I was unveiled before God and my husband, I experienced freedom and peace like I had never known before. I also acknowledged things about myself I had never seen before. With clarity I was able to repent of the negative behaviors I had and truly be transformed.

God showed me how many other wives also felt alone in their struggles. He gave me a passion to share this message of being an Unveiled Wife with others, providing a safe place to talk about marriage issues, receive prayer, share marriage resources, and most importantly encourage women to turn to Christ. Unveiled Wife is a ministry for wives and I am honored to be used by God to share His love with the world.

I have experienced true healing and transformation. I am now able to enjoy sexual intimacy with my husband and our relationship continues to mature daily. We also gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in 2012! Parenting adds a whole other dynamic to marriage that has blessed us tremendously. We are in awe every day! My husband and I still encounter challenges along the way, but the UW Community has been a huge support system for my marriage and others all around the world. I am grateful.


Jennifer Smith

This post is a part of our “Who We Are” Series. For all posts visit,

“Who We Are: The Stories Behind TBM Writers”

Who We Are at The Better Mom

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